Just Got A New Laptop

Hi, couldn't add anything because my computer crashed. Have a new laptop now though. Had a really rough day on Sunday, pissed on Monday, but all better now. Couldn't figure out my purpose in life and I just felt so alone. What does a person feel like if they don't believe in God, I wonder. That would be so confusing and so awful, I would think. No hope to hang on to, etc. So grateful for my friends and family. Family especially.

Very tired today

Very tired today, not sure why. Feels good to sleep though, not complaining.

Trying to write a business plan for obtaining grants to start my business. Hard to do though because I'm not sure what to type and having problems coming up with the financial projections. Makes me wonder if I'm smart enough to actually run a business after all. One of those days, I guess.

Had dinner with my family yesterday. They don't even realize how much they cut on me in all their little jokes all day long. It really hurts and bothers me but I don't know how to bring it up with them picking on me even more. Sigh. I guess I'll just leave it alone, as usual.

I'm lucky to have friends and family I can talk to. Many people are all alone in life. The only problem is if I tell a single person in my family, somehow the whole entire world knows exactly what I told that person in confidence the day (or hour) before. I'm just frustrated today, I guess.

Enough ranting and raving. We all have our bad days, this just happens to be one for me.

Sleepover with my Neice

The sleep over with my niece went great. She's so cute and she's always making me laugh. My apartment is usually so boring and quiet.... quite a difference with her around. :) She keeps me on my toes. I give her mom tons of credit for having 4 kids! Wow. Wish I had more patience. My poor neighbors probably didn't know what was happening when all 4 of them were here yesterday. In fact, the neighbor below me sent me a text saying, "Have the neices and nephews over?" lol When I told my sister, she said, "Just tell him you're exercising." Funny stuff right there. :) Took 3 of the kids (8, 4, and 2 years old) to the small zoo in our area while their mom was grocery shopping. I liked the tigers the best but the kids seemed to be fascinated with those darn ducks and geese in the duck pond. Oh well, whatever makes them happy and keeps them occupied.

Whenever I think about the past I always seem to think about the negative things I've done or said and can't remember anything good. I wonder if that tells me something? That it was that bad, or that I'm too self conscious.

I don't mind taking my medicine because I know it helps me, but sometimes I get really frustrated with the side effects. Weight gain, irritability, etc. But, the positives outweigh the negatives, I guess.

Neice Spending the Night

My four year old neice is going to spend the night tonight. What a little character. Love her energetic, bubbly, yet stubborn and indpendent personality. Looking forward to a fun filled night and more fun tomorrow.

Met with a person about my business today. She was pretty nice, encouraging, and so on. Was suppose to meet with a counselor (an older guy) but met with the secretary instead. He had "accidentally double-booked himself." Hmm... doesn't sound very professional. Then again, things happen, and he's probably really busy. Would like to know that people remember me though. Sigh. Doesn't everybody?

Wish I had more patience with people. They say it comes with age, but I haven't seen any of it yet. Oh well, maybe when I'm 100? lol You'd think it would have to come along sooner or later, right? Wish me luck. :)

"BIJ" Journal

Started my "BIJ" journal yesterday. The B could either stand for "Brilliant" (which I'm always hoping will happen, eventually) or "Big" (as in useless and what the heck was I thinking). At least it lets me know where and how an idea first took shape. And how I got from point A to point B. I'm thinking there will be a lot of detours along the way. lol

Have an appointment with my therapy dog today (oh, and my therapist too). :) I'm so lucky to have them in my life. They're very supportive, encouraging, and inspirational. I feel very comfortable with them too. My therapist treats me with respect and like I'm an equal to her. She's never talked down to me and for that and so much more I'll always be grateful.

Have a good day! Jessi :)

"Brilliant" Idea Journal?

Fine tuning my racing thoughts. Have learned by now that when I get a "brilliant" thought I need to sit on a week (or month) or two to work out all the kinks and see if it's practical or not. Not sure if it's the Bi Polar or ADD part. Should really start a journal or something like that to see how an idea starts and what it evolves into.

Racing Thoughts

Part of the "magic" of having ADD is having racing thoughts. I couldn't sleep last night because I was coming up with a whole bunch of "brilliant" business ideas. Not taking sleeping medication because it doesn't work anyways.

I need a refill on all my other medications but am holding off on calling the pharmacy because they're so darn crabby. Time to get a new pharmacy I'm thinking. Wish me luck. Hope it's not too complicated to switch.